My Sonshine - You will not always be this small...

Good morning everyone,



I rarely make a personal post, but I feel like sharing a little bit about my life.

I am a mother to a wild and adorable chubby toddler, Seth. He lights up my world. Every little thing he does is nothing short of magical, and I am amazed at everything he can do. At 1 year and almost 10 months, he is very independent. He rarely cuddles up, but the smallest trigger of anything foreign to him would move him to tears and hiccups, and that leads to a lot of cuddling and hugging.

Right from the start, he has stolen my heart and he is my little world. I gladly gave up any semblance of social life I had before; even beauty trips to the salon have been foregone just so I can spend more time with him. Every night when I leave for work, it pains me to kiss him goodnight and leave him and my husband to sleep. I want to be on that bed with them, dreaming dreams. I wish I could get a stable job and work from home so I could be with him more, but there’s just nothing out there for someone who knows nothing about coding, wikis, and being a virtual assistant. Even then, if I get a job working from home, I know I’d be at home but I still won’t be able to leave my work behind when he cries so it’s kinda still the same.

When I get home from work, it’s still in the wee hours of the morning so I would cuddle up next to him, just smelling him and kissing his hair, savoring these moments while he’s still small and needs me often. I would wait until he wakes up so I can give him his morning milk and water. We would talk for a few minutes – well, I’d talk and he would respond with his baby language. After a bit of that, he would usually look for his daddy by saying “daddddyyyyy” and looking at my phone. We’d give him a call so they can talk for a couple of minutes. We’d play a bit after that, just him and me and his toys.

I’d then reluctantly open our bedroom door so I can prepare his breakfast – usually rolled oats with brown sugar, or pancakes, or eggs and tomatoes. While his nanny feeds him his food, I would go to our little kitchen and prepare food for lunch. I sometimes let him “help” me with the veggies and it delights him when he gets to do that. He’s a curious little one, and if Mama is holding a wooden spoon, then he needs to hold one too. Once I’m done in the kitchen, it’s usually time for me to sleep. I only get to spend a few hours with him in a day and I wish I have more time. Sometimes, when he would like to stay with me in my room while I’m sleeping, I let him in and let him play with my iPad next to me. I just tell my nanny to come inside if he starts crying and wants to do something else, or if it’s time for his bath or morning/afternoon snacks.

I do my best to balance things – my son, my husband, the rest of my family, my career, my friends, my life, myself. It’s not easy. Most of the time I get overwhelmed, and I know that if there’s something I will always put first, it’s always my little family. My career can be on hold, and I’d rather remain stagnant and hide behind my comfort zone – not because I’m lazy, but because I don’t have the luxury of time to spend more hours away from my son.

from Pinterest

I know it won't always be like this. Someday, he won't need me so much anymore. Someday, he will start talking back to me and there will be days I'll get mad at him for something really major. Someday, he won't want to be seen with me in public in his teenage years, and someday he will start his own family and be his own man. But for now, this little boy is all mine to hug, to hold, to teach and to mold. He is mine to cherish, because yes I know, he won't always be this small.

To my son, I love you so much and I’m trying. I’m doing the best to maintain this balance and spend more time with you.

I’ll always be here for you. xx